Question:  Can you name three of the thirteen rules for dealing with sociopaths in everyday life?

Answer:  Here are the 13 Rules Martha Stout suggests in her book "The Sociopath Next Door."

1.   Accept that some people literally have no conscience.

2.   In a contest between your intellect and your instinct-always go with your instinct.

3.   When considering a new relationship of any kind, practice the Rule of Three:  
                       One lie may be a misunderstanding.
                       Two lies may be a serious mistake.
                       Three lies you're dealing with a liar and deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior.

4.   Question authority; once again, trust your instincts.

5.   Suspect Flattery

6.   Redefine your concept of respect.  Too often, we mistake fear for respect, and the more fearful we are of someone, the more we view him or her as deserving our respect.

7.   DO NOT JOIN THE GAME!

8.   The best way to protect yourself from a sociopath is to avoid him.

9.   Question your tendency to pity too easily.

10.  Do not try to redeem the unredeemable.

11.  Never agree, out of pity or for any other reason, to help a sociopath conceal his or her true character.

12.  Defend your psyche.

13.  Living well is the best revenge.


Question:  What is the #1 tell-tale sign that you are in a relationship with a sociopath?

Answer:  The pity play!  "Bear in mind that the combination of consistently bad or egregiously inadequate behavior with frequent plays for your pity is as close to a warning mark on a conscienceless person's forehead as you will ever be given."
           The Sociopath Next Door Martha Stout Ph.D.

True or False:

With the proper medication and extensive counseling most sociopaths can be cured.

Answer:  False

There is no magic cure for Sociopaths.  They appear to be born without a conscience and there is no treatment for them.  Counseling has proven ineffective.  In his book Without Conscience Robert D. Hare Ph.D. writes:

"Unfortunately, programs of this sort merely provide the psychopath with better ways of manipulating, deceiving, and using people.  As one psychopath put it, 'These programs are like a finishing school.  They teach you how to put the squeeze on people'."   
                                 
What's more, the sociopath has no desire to be helped.  He sees himself as superior in every way and feels no need for change.  He sees others as foolish and cannot understand why people make decisions based on anything other than self-interest.

Question:  What is the best way to deal with a sociopath?

Answer:  Avoid him!  You cannot win with a sociopath so the best way to deal with him is to remove him from your life.  In the book Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout Ph.D. it states:

"Psychologists do not usually like to recommend avoidance, but in this case, I make a very deliberate exception.  The only truly effective method for dealing with a sociopath you have identified is to disallow him or her from your life altogether.  Sociopaths live completely ouside of the social contract, and therefore to include them in relationships or other social arrangements is perilous."

True or False:

Munchausen Syndrome (faking one’s own illness) is currently being practiced over the internet.

Answer:  True

The desired goal of any Munchausen Syndrome participant is to receive attention, nurturing, and sympathy.  The internet can provide this—all under a veil of anonymity.  We are beginning to see people who fake illness over the internet.   They establish identities on cancer websites, chat rooms, and forums claiming to be deathly ill.  They form internet “relationships” with others who, in fact, are enduring their own personal medical crisis.  The damage is done when the truly ill patient realizes he’s been conversing with a fraud.  It makes him less likely to visit websites—websites intended to be a legitimate source of information and emotional support for patients.

True or False:

Because of their strong will, outrageous behavior, and abrasive personalities, it is difficult to love a Sociopath.

Answer:  False

Sociopaths are natural charmers!  They are experts at flattery, manipulation, lying, and deception.  Once they perceive that you are safely under their emotional control, their treatment of you will quickly deteriorate.  Pay close attention to the following quote:

"She made my life a living hell but I feel bereft without her.  She was always doing something exciting--outrageous even. She would disappear for weeks at a time, without ever really explaining where she had been.  We went through just a load of money--all my savings, the mortgage on the house.  But she made me feel really alive.  My mind was always messed up when she was around.  I couldn't think clearly about anything but her."
              Without Conscience Dr. Robert D. Hare PhD

If this scenario sounds similar to your own, please consider that you are in an unhealthy relationship and it would be wise for you to take a second look at your partner.  Things will not improve and he/she will never return to the "adoring" companion you first met.