It is highly recommended that your read "Crush" BEFORE you read the updates.
In the spring of 2008 Patty once again filed a petition with the court trying to prevent Keith from taking Steven back to Utah for his annual visit. She claimed that Steven was in no mental or physical condition to be bounced back and forth between parents. Keith found himself on the defensive end of another court hearing. This time, Judge Osborne excused herself, and said that she would not be “hearing” this particular case. Keith and Beth were surprised and perplexed by this action on the part of Judge Osborne. They had hoped she would preside, as she was familiar with Patty’s character and her courtroom antics.
Keith’s attorney, Dina Gooding, attempted to have the case dismissed for lack of evidence but the court ruled that the hearing would go forth. An unknown judge would preside over this hearing. It would be Patty’s job to prove all of the statements regarding Steven’s health issues. Dina requested SEVEN pages of information regarding Steven’s physical and mental health. If Patty wanted to tie up the court’s time with this hearing, she was going to have to back up her claims with solid hard facts, witnesses, and testimony.
Patty had hired yet another attorney. Apparently he was young, inexperienced, and in need of work. Keith and Dad were of the opinion that this “newcomer” was the worst attorney they’d ever seen; even felt sorry for him at times. The only “objection” he raised during the entire hearing was to a statement made by his own client. Hardly competent representation!
The time for the hearing was approaching and Patty had not responded to the requests made by Ms.Gooding. Two days before the hearing Patty returned the requests with the majority of them stating “Objection”. Apparently she felt she owed no one an explanation for anything. Most “objections” were followed by lots of exclamation points, personal notes, attachments, and other inappropriate language. Apparently her attorney had turned the requests over to her and let her respond in her own way. These were hardly professional briefs. Naturally, there was more legal wrangling, but the judge was determined to follow through with this hearing.
Patty was first on the witness stand. Here again, Patty told one lie after another and Dina nailed her on each and every lie. The new judge on the case was Judge Hartert. Keith was watching the judge and the judge was watching him; each trying to "size the other" up. Also on the witness stand was Steven’s psychiatrist Dr. Bernard. She admitted that she had never seen any of the behavior that Patty claimed Steven exhibited, but she was working with Steven based on mother’s information.
The hearing lasted nearly seven hours. They took a short break for lunch but other than that, there was lots of legalese, lots of testimony and no sign whatsoever from the judge as to what he was thinking. Tess Woodward (Visitation Center Coordinator) testified to Steven’s behavior when he was with both parents. She brought her files on Steven (about 4” thick) and testified regarding Patty's attempts to sabotage the visits between father and son.
Gloria Winston (the Guardian ad Litem) was also there. She questioned Patty repeatedly about some of her outrageous behavior. Patty was on the defensive. In “Patty-world” no one ever questions her, and she owes no one an answer for anything. Patty showed nothing but contempt for the professionals who were involved in the case.
My husband John was seated in the courtroom immediately behind Patty. Each time Keith’s attorney exclaimed “move to strike,” John had the most overwhelming urge to reach up and “club” Patty in the back of the head. Yes, the term “move to strike” brought on new meaning for the entire family.
The judge retreated to his chambers to study his options. Once the judge resumed with the hearing, it quickly became obvious which way he would rule. He came down extremely hard on Patty. He lectured her on being a parent who controls the child, rather than the child controlling the parent. None of his stern warnings were directed towards Keith, but all of them were at Patty. He talked about his own “troubled” childhood, and about the fact that although kids may have a tough time, that is no excuse for bad behavior. As he began talking to her he was rather firm, but quiet. But with each “stupid” question Patty asked, he was quickly losing patience. His voice rose to nearly a shouting pitch and she still continued to argue with him. He had ruled that the visits to Utah would continue because it was good for Steven to spend time with his father. Patty was livid!
Keith was scheduled to pick Steven up at 9:00 on Saturday morning but had requested that if the judge ruled in his favor, he be allowed to take Steven immediately after the hearing (which was held on a Thursday). Keith didn’t want to give Patty two days to “work this child over”, or to create some other type of medical emergency. The judge ordered Patty to have Steven at the Visitation Center by 4:00 that afternoon.
She quickly and sarcastically asked, “Can’t he even sleep in his own bed?” The judge said, “Haven’t you heard a word I said? Have him to the center by 4:00 this afternoon.” Patty was not happy.
Judge Hartert then turned to Keith and my husband John, and suggested that since their flight didn’t leave until Saturday afternoon, it might be fun for them to take Steven to some of the other southern states and check out some of the local tourist attractions. He told them a few of his favorite places to visit and suggested the local culture might be interesting to them.
Keith and Dad were stunned. This judge, from the bench, was trying to make them feel welcome in his state. Not only that, he was playing “host” and “tour guide”. Gratefully, Keith was finally on the winning side of a court hearing. Patty once again, was her own worst enemy.
After the court adjourned Dad excused himself to go to the restroom and Keith found himself alone in the hallway. Keenly aware that he always needed a witness near him, he went into the clerk’s office. Patty came blasting through the door with pure hatred all over her face. She demanded Keith talk to her. He said, “I suggest you go home, get Steven, and get him to the center.” She started yelling at him and once again Keith firmly stated, “I suggest you go home, get Steven, and get him to the center.” The court had adjourned at 3:30. Patty had thirty minutes to ready her son for his month long absence. Rather than spending time with Steven, she tracked Keith down in the courthouse and tried to initiate a fight with him. This battle is not about Steven; it is all about Patty’s hatred for Keith.
Steven was at the Visitation Center shortly after 4:00 that afternoon. After he said his “goodbyes” to his mom, he was more than ready for his time with his dad. Once again, the change in behavior of this boy was startling . . . he was anxious to get to the airport and fly to Utah. The transformation was astounding.
Keith would not leave the center before he had a little chat with his son. He talked about Steven’s unacceptable behavior towards the staff at the center. Steven claimed that he was afraid that if his mother left him at the center he would never see her again. I wonder where he got that idea? He said he was afraid of June (one of the staff workers) because she yelled at him.
Before they left, Keith took Steven in to talk to the waiting staff members and made him apologize for his bad behavior at their center. Keith encouraged Steven to tell June why he was scared of her. June quickly explained that she had not yelled at Steven, but that she simply had to talk loudly in order to be heard over his screams. Before the visit concluded, each of the staff members gave Steven a big hug and told him what a good kid he was. Steven was all smiles as he left the center with his Father and Grandfather.
Chapter II
Steven’s scheduled visit to Utah was for four weeks. He and Brooke again struck up their familiar friendship and he quickly adjusted into the routine of the Barker household. He had his own chores, his own bicycle, and his own room. He loved being with his dad and he loved the challenges that came with being the “oldest” of the family. He quickly took on the role of older brother. During this visit he was more comfortable around the younger girls and thoroughly enjoyed helping with Grace—who was now 18 months old. He carried her everywhere they went. Grace loved him too, as did Ruthie. Yup, he was just another member of the family.
Of course the visit was plagued by continuing phone calls from Patty. When Steven was in Utah, Patty felt it was her right to call as often as she wanted. There were days when the phone would ring constantly and Beth would finally unplug the phone to get some peace and quiet. They allowed Steven to talk to his mother each night at the appointed 7:30 phone call. The calls were always the same . . . Patty driveled on while Steven sat listening, head down, and eyes locked on the floor. He was always relieved when he could get off the phone and play.
One particular evening Steven told his mom that he didn’t have time to talk but would talk to her the next night. Patty was mad. This was the first time that Steven had dared to assert himself with his mother. She hung up quickly but that was not the end of it. There was no phone call from Patty the following evening--she was punishing Steven. He didn't notice!
Two nights later the phone rang at 7:40, ten minutes past the time Patty usually called. Steven was right by the phone and picked it up by the third ring. Patty hung up. Steven told Beth, “It was my mom! It’s her number!” Beth encouraged him to call his mother back. He dialed and said “Hi Mom!”
Patty immediately said, “Well buddy, I tried to call you but apparently you’re too busy to talk to mommy.”
Steven’s response was a little unusual. He said, “But mom, I love you!”
“I know buddy but you’re too busy having fun and I’ll talk to you later.”
Once again, “But mom—I love you!”
Steven response was not befitting Patty’s complaint. She was complaining he was too busy to talk to her and he was professing his love for his mother. This conversation had obviously occurred before. Steven knew what his mother wanted to hear from him no matter what the cause of her anger. This boy had to convince his mother that he loved her. He knew his role in her life.
This dialogue went on for quite a while. She went on to tell him how much his baseball team missed him and that he had been voted MVP (she had to explain to him what that was), but because he was in Utah they had to give the award to some other player. Too bad he was missing out on that one. She then said she had been out to dinner with his best friend Jackson and Jackson’s mother. They had “so much fun”, “they had a blast”! Too bad you weren’t there for that. “Jackson is such a cute kid. He’s so much fun to be with.”
She was trying to make her own son jealous! Right in the middle of the conversation Patty turned away from the phone and shouted to someone, “Thanks for coming and taking me with you. We had a blast! Since Steven is in Utah I’m free to go with you anytime so call me and we’ll do this again. Love you! See you tomorrow!” Then she laughed out loud as if in response to something funny. No other sounds emanated from the phone. Only the sounds Patty was making. She was at it again . . . she was talking to those imaginary friends! This pretense was intended to make Steven feel rejected. She wanted him to feel that he was being replaced by his best friend. Not one time did she ever tell Steven that she loved him, although he continually reassured her of his love for her.
Beth was seething as she listened to the conversation. She felt bad for Steven and wanted to comfort him. As Steven got off the phone she tried to talk to him about his feelings. His only response was “Wow! I think my team needs me!” The attempt to manipulate Steven and make him feel bad had no impact on him whatsoever. His main concern was for his baseball team. Poor dumb Patty!
Chapter III
Beth’s mother Sharon had suffered with cancer for over twenty years. It was during Steven’s visit in the summer of 2008 that Sharon passed away. It was an extremely stressful time for Beth, what with Steven here, the ongoing harassment from Patty, and the need to be with her own family.
Dad and I happened to be visiting them when they got the word that Beth’s mother had passed away. So we packed up their Suburban and all the kids, and brought them to our home so Beth would be free to attend to her family responsibilities. We had Steven and the girls for the week prior to the funeral. Steven had informed his mother Patty about Sharon’s death. Patty went through the usual rhetoric about “Well, she’s in a better place.” This actually surprised me. At least she appeared to be making an attempt to give comfort to Steven, even though he had never met Sharon.
But true to form, within a day Keith and Beth received an email from Patty. She had gone online and was able to retrieve the funeral home obituary regarding Sharon’s death. She forwarded a copy of the obituary to Keith and Beth with an ominous note stating, “I now have all the names, addresses, and phone numbers of your father, grandparents, and all your siblings.” Beth was devastated. She had tried so hard to keep her own family out of the drama that Patty brought into their lives. But now, under the most heartbreaking circumstances, Beth had to call her father and her siblings and warn them that they may be getting a call from Keith’s crazy ex-wife. Patty was heartless. She used her own son to glean hurtful information and didn’t hesitate to use it to threaten Keith and his family. There were no boundaries for Patty!
During the summer 2008 visit, Patty harassed Keith’s family by phone constantly! Somehow Patty was able to obtain unlisted phone numbers and also private cell-phone numbers for different members of the family. We're still unsure how she was able to do this. In a 24-hour period, Patty had called Keith's home over fifty times. The caller I.D. on Keith's phone held fifty numbers and all of them were Patty’s! Keith only answered the phone for the pre-arranged 7:30 phone call each evening, but his phone rang incessantly! Patty started calling about 4:00 a.m. (there was a 2 hour time difference meaning Patty started calling them at 6:00 a.m. her time). The calls didn’t stop until about 11:00 p.m. Under normal circumstances they would just turn the ringer off on their phone, but with the death of her mother, Beth needed the freedom to use her own phone. Finally, they had had enough.
Keith called the Garden City police to report Patty’s harassment. Each time Patty called, Keith picked up the phone and hung up. He did this so that his phone records would show the number of calls placed to his home phone. Over a period of thirty minutes, Patty had called 28 times. Once the officer arrived, Beth answered the phone. Patty asked to talk to Keith and Beth said, “There’s someone here who wants to talk to you.” They put the officer on the phone.
Naturally, Patty claimed that she had not been harassing the Barker family. The officer said, “Well, these folks say you have been calling them non-stop. I’m sure the phone records will bear this out. Now that there has been a complaint filed, and since you are calling from out of state, if you continue with this harassment it will become a federal issue with federal penalties. Stop the phone calls or we will turn this case over to the feds.”
Belligerent Patty demanded a copy of the police report by the next day. The officer informed her that the report would not be available for another five days, but after that she was free to request the paperwork from their home office. She continued to deny that she had placed the calls, but once they hung up the phone calls ceased.
While the policeman was at their home, Steven was sitting quietly in his room crying. After the officer left, Keith went into Steven’s room to talk to him about what had just happened. Steven’s only question was, “Is my mom going to jail?”
Keith, feeling that his son was old enough to understand a few simple facts regarding his and Patty’s relationship, explained that Patty had made a lot of bad choices in her life. She would not be going to jail unless she continued to make bad choices. It was all up to Patty. Keith chose this time to try to help Steven understand how to discern between a lie and the truth. Here is what he taught his son:
Keith: Are parents perfect?
Steven: Yes!
Keith: No Steven, they are not. They want to be, but parents makes mistakes too. Do you think I’m perfect?
Steven: Yes!
Keith: Well, I’m not. Do you think your mom is perfect?
Steven: Yes!
Keith: No, your mom is not perfect either.
Suppose that I tell you that 4+4=9. Would you believe me?
Steven: Yes
Keith: Now Steven, you tell me what 4+4 equals.
Steven: Eight
Keith: That’s right. But suppose that I, as your father, insist that 4+4=9. Would that make it so?
Steven: No.
Keith: If I insisted that 4+4=9, would that make me a bad person?
Steven. I dunno.
Keith: No it would not make me a bad person. It would just mean that I was wrong! Do you understand?
Steven. No.
Keith: If someone (like dad) tells you something that you know is not true or correct, you have to tell yourself “Ok, I know this is not correct, but this does not make my dad a bad person.”
The same is true of your mother. If mom tells you that 4+4=9, and you know that is not the truth, it does not necessarily make her bad—it just means she is wrong. A person can be “wrong” about something but that doesn’t make them bad. You have to be strong and stick with what you know to be the truth. So when someone tells you something that you know is not true, you have to be strong inside and make your own decisions regarding what is right and correct.
He then went on to teach Steven about prayer and that Heavenly Father will always help him to know what it true and correct. This is a small sample of how Keith, in the short time that he has Steven, tries to teach Steven how to survive in Patty World. The good news is that Steven remembers each and every conversation he has with his father. He's listening!
Chapter IV
Judge Hartert had ruled during the 2008 summer court session that Keith and Steven should be allowed more visits than once a year. On several previous occasions, Keith had tried to fly to Florida and spend a weekend with Steven but Patty had adamantly refused. She claimed that Steven had school activities, ball games, or they were going to be out of town for the weekend. Keith was forced to petition the court. Judge Hartert ordered three additional weekend visits to take place during the year and chose the dates himself. The first visit was scheduled for October 18, 2008.
Keith was trying to find someone to make this trip with him once again. Everyone, it seemed, was busy! Work, family, or other factors prohibited anyone from being able to travel with him. I asked, “Do you think it’s time for you to start making these trips alone?” The answer was an emphatic “No!” He felt that since he would be spending a whole weekend with Steven, probably (for lack of anywhere else to stay) in a motel, he needed a “witness” more than ever. Dad reluctantly took time off from work to make the trip with his son.
Keith flew to Florida on Thursday, one day before Dad was scheduled to arrive. He wanted time in Florida to meet with Steven’s teachers and discuss his son’s progress in school. He also wanted to meet with some of Steven’s doctors to clear up outstanding medical bills. As Keith entered the school early Thursday morning he was met with “a code of silence.” He found the teachers to be evasive and would not answer his questions. He was frustrated and finally asked if Steven was even at school that day. They told him that Steven had been there earlier but had been picked up by his mother. Here we go again! Keith, with court order in hand, went to the principal’s office and demanded to know what was going on with his son. The principal invited him into his office and gave Keith immediate access to all of Steven’s files. It seemed that on Thursday morning Steven came to school saying he was going to “kill his father”, or he was going to “kill his sisters”. He was crying and hiding under his desk. The school had no choice but to notify his mother. Patty picked him up and headed for the nearest psychiatric unit.
Keith learned from Steven’s files that Steven had told his teachers that while he was in Utah his father had made him sleep outside on the ground without a blanket. He said he had been locked in the garage until he could stop crying, and that his father had hit him in the face. The school had no choice but to report this to the local Child Protective Services—the same CPS that we had once filed a “Munchausen by Proxy” report against Patty. While these accusations were unsettling for Keith, he did not get the impression that the school principal believed any of them.
A quick call to Tess at the Visitation Center confirmed that Patty had called earlier to report that she would not be bringing Steven to the center. Patty informed them that Steven was going to be admitted to a psychiatric ward at Children’s Hospital in Orlando. While Keith was busy at Steven’s school, Tess had sprung into action and reported the situation to Judge Hartert. Judge Hartert said he would be available for a hearing the next day. He set the hearing for 1:00 p.m.
Meanwhile, Dad had arrived at the airport in Orlando and was waiting when Keith arrived. They turned their rental car in the direction of the hospital and raced across town. Once at Children’s Hospital they discovered that Patty had tried to have Steven committed, but the hospital did not have a bed available in the psychiatric unit and had referred Steven to a different psychiatric hospital in a neighboring county. They had transported Steven by ambulance to a different hospital approximately ten miles away.
Keith and Dad arrived at the hospital shortly after Patty and Steven. As they entered the foyer they saw Patty and Steven sitting in the waiting room. Steven was happily playing with two large, brand new stuffed animals. When he saw his dad he once again started with the fake tears and crying. Patty protectively scooped Steven onto her lap. What a sight they made! Steven, who weighed approximately 125 pounds was straddling his mother’s legs and clinging to her for dear life. Patty was patting his back as if she was trying to burp a baby and insisting that Steven didn’t need to talk to Keith.
Admission rules for psychiatric hospitals are much different than those of a regular hospital. If Steven were to be admitted to this hospital he would have to stay for seventy-two hours and mom would not be allowed to stay with him. Patty absolutely would not allow this. In order for her to play the role of a concerned and caring parent she would need access to Steven and an audience. As it was nearing the weekend, the hospital said Steven would not be seen by a psychiatrist until Monday morning at the earliest. Patty decided against admitting her son. She called for a cab, returned to Orlando Children’s Hospital and insisted her son be admitted for observation. They released him at 6:30 the following morning with discharge orders suggesting that Steven meet with his regular psychologist. (We later learned Steven’s psychologist and psychiatrist had offered to make time for Steven on Thursday. Patty declined their help.)
By this time Keith had reached his limit. Over the years he had been on the defensive end of Patty’s sadistic game. But that was about to change. He called his attorney Ms. Gooding and told her he wanted a “protection order” put in place for Steven—an order protecting him from his mother. He wanted custody! This time he had no trouble convincing Dina that this was a twisted form of child abuse and it had to stop. She told him to go back to Children’s Hospital and fax him all of Steven’s medical records.
Judge Hartert was also busy. The “tongue-lashing” he had given Patty just five months earlier had done absolutely no good and he was angry. He placed a call to Patty’s attorney informing him of the hearing scheduled for 1:00 p.m. He said, "You and your client will be there or you will both be held in contempt of court." Patty was also ordered to have Steven to the Visitation Center by 12:00 noon—prior to the hearing. Ms. Winston (the G.A.L.) was also on the "guest list."
The judge held a “closed door” hearing in his chambers. The only people in attendance were attorneys for both parties, Judge Hartert, and Ms. Winston. Tess was called as a witness and entered the chambers carrying her heavy file regarding Steven’s case. Occasionally one attorney or another would come out long enough to ask a question of his or her client. The hearing lasted for about three hours. They called everyone into the courtroom and began a public hearing. There was no mistaking the fact that Judge Hartert was losing patience. Attorney Gooding presented her case citing one incident after another wherein Patty used her medical connections and knowledge to try to bar Keith from seeing his son. At the end of another hour of testimony, Judge Hartert ruled in Keith’s favor. He gave custody of Steven to Keith.
Patty’s head snapped to attention and spun around to question her attorney. Control has always been the important factor with Patty and she had just lost any and all control of her son.
Keith could contain himself no longer and burst out sobbing. After ten long years of battles, fights, accusations, and fear for his son—he finally felt that Steven had a chance at a normal life. He could take his son home—home to Beth and the girls and the great life they all shared. Steven would no longer be at the mercy of an "out of control" mother. Keith’s first concern was for Steven. He said, “How am I going to tell him Dad?” He had no idea how to tell his son that he was no longer going to be living with his mother. His first thoughts were of concern for Steven.
Patty’s only comment was, “Don’t I even get to say goodbye to my son?"
Judge Hartert looked at her with contempt and said, “Didn’t you do that when you took him to the Visitation Center?” He wasn’t messing with Patty this time. He told her she could have five minutes with Steven and then she would have to leave. Ms. Winston had testified that the phone calls between Patty and Steven were “inappropriate”. With each phone call Patty weighed her son down with conflict and guilt. Therefore, the judge ordered that all phone calls made by Patty would be from the Visitation Center with the staff monitoring the conversation. Patty hated this staff. This was a group of people that she could not manipulate and control. They had been witnesses to all of Patty’s crazy behavior and would be ready to testify against her if they needed to. No, Patty would not enjoy these phone calls.
Back at the center, Tess and her staff were anxiously waiting for this grand exchange to take place. They were also surprised when a deputy arrived at the center to make sure the exchange ran smoothly. Apparently Judge Hartert felt a little “weight” might be needed to ensure a peaceful transition.
When Keith entered the room to collect his charge, the deputy looked at him and said, “She’s scary!” The deputy then went on to say, “If that were my child and someone was taking him away from me, I’d scream, beg, plead, cry—I’d be devastated. The only emotion that woman showed was anger. She was just plain pissed-off.” Naturally! Someone had just taken away Patty’s favorite toy. As stated in the content of the book, sociopaths have no emotional attachment to people—they merely see them as possessions—similar to a car or TV. Patty showed no emotion, because she had no emotional attachment to her own son.
Chapter V
The only thing that Keith requested from Patty was that all of Steven’s medications be delivered to the center before the exchange. Everything else could be purchased back home in Garden City. He wanted nothing from Patty; no toys, no clothes—nothing! He couldn’t get out of Springville fast enough. Keith drove the car and Dad sat in the back seat with Steven. Steven was crying a little bit and Grandpa patted his knee and told him everything would be ok. Dad got out his camera and started showing Steven pictures taken from an air show the family had attended earlier in the summer. It didn’t take much to make this kid smile again. Pretty soon he was laughing and asking if he was really going to get to live with his dad? It had been a long day so the guys headed for a restaurant and a victory celebration. Keith and Steven punched each other, joked, and laughed together. Keith hadn’t stopped giggling since he left Springville. After dinner they went to the local Wal-Mart to pick up a small suitcase and a few items for Steven. Steven looked up at his dad and said, “This is the best day of my life.”
The following day Keith called home to keep us informed of their progress. He described Steven’s countenance as “bubbly”. Steven was excited to tell the flight attendants, and anyone who would listen, that he was going to live with his dad. Not just for two weeks, but until he was eighteen. Then he turned and looked at his dad and said, “Can I live with you until I’m eighteen?” Of course you can! “And then I can choose who I want to live with?” You sure can. Steven was well-versed in what his options were once he turned eighteen. This kid was stoked! He couldn’t wait to get home to Garden City and see his sisters
Chapter VI
The entire family found this whole weekend quite ironic. After all, it was merely a scheduled three-day visit for father and son. Keith anticipated meeting Steven’s teachers, attending Steven’s soccer game, and clearing up some medical billing issues. He planned to take Steven to the zoo and other things that fathers and sons routinely do. There was no court hearing scheduled--of any kind. Patty was once again her own worst enemy. Had she allowed the visit to occur without interference she would still have custody of her son. She overplayed her hand and it cost her something she prizes more than anything! CONTROL!
At the time of this writing we are just beginning to understand some of the abuses that Patty perpetrated against her child. Steven has been with Keith for less than a week and information is slowing coming forth regarding Steven’s life with his mother. Keith and Steven no sooner left Springville, than Patty changed attorneys again, and began working on an appeal. Patty has also involved Steven’s teachers in filing a complaint against Keith with the local Child Protective Services. Our family found it ironic that once Steven was finally in the safe care of his father, the local CPS chose to become involved with this case.
Keith and Beth are ready for that visit from CPS. The house is clean, Steven is enrolled in school, has been thoroughly checked over by the family physician, and a huge folder containing Steven’s history with his mother is just waiting to be inspected by anyone who has any interest in this case. This battle is far from over. Even though Steven is safe for now, we will not rest until Patty is exposed for the abusive, Munchausen by Proxy mom that she is. She is still employed by the state of Florida as a Registered Nurse and works primarily with infants and children up to the age of 5.
Chapter VII
It has been three months since Keith was granted temporary custody of Steven. When Steven arrived in Utah he was taking SIX different prescription medications. Some of them were for allergies and asthma, and some of them were psychotropic drugs. Patty claimed that Steven had Attention Deficit-Hyperactive Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, depression and anxiety, and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. What else is there, I wondered?
Keith’s family physician is a retired army doctor who set up his private practice in the west where he could hunt and fish. Naturally Keith had Steven checked over by Dr. Brenner. After spending two hours reviewing Steven’s medical history, Dr. Brenner called Keith and asked, “Have you ever heard of Munchausen by Proxy?” Keith just grinned and said, “Yes, we know what we’re dealing with. But it’s always better if the physician comes to that conclusion on his own.” A game plan was put in place to gradually wean Steven from any medications he was taking. A thorough exam by a specialist revealed that Steven’s only allergies were to some grasses, dust mites, and mold. (95% of the population would test positive for the same things) He also showed no signs of asthma. A similar exam by a 70 year old psychiatrist revealed that he could see no signs of any of the mental disorders Patty claimed Steven exhibited. At the time of this writing Steven is off of all 6 medications. While this is great news for the rest of us, Steven is having difficulty adjusting to a lifestyle that does not revolve around pills. He referred to these medications as his “happy pills” and is convinced that he will die if he isn’t taking some type of medication. Keith is drumming it into his head that, “The only GOOD pill, is one you DON’T have to take.”
It was court ordered that Patty not be allowed to speak to Steven unless she was in the presence of Tess at the Visitation Center. Judge Hartert felt this action was necessary since Patty often loaded Steven down with guilt and misery when she spoke with him. Every Wednesday night Steven calls the Visitation Center to talk to his mom. He seemed happy to speak with his mom and is more confidant in asserting himself since Tess is standing nearby. Occasionally he will tell his mom that he doesn’t want to talk anymore. Patty continually tries to place Steven in “baby mode”. She talks to him like he’s 4 years old and he hates it. He’s constantly telling her that he’s not a baby—he’s a young man (Steven is 10 years old).
Patty has tried to control Dr. Brenner’s practice. She called his office 3 to 4 times a week with ridiculous requests. She’s even gone so far as to call him and his staff “liars”. After about two months worth of this type of behavior Dr. Brenner informed Patty (and Ms. Winston—Steven’s Guardian ad Litem) that he would no longer accept phone calls from her. From this point on, all communication would only be through letters and mail. That way there would be a written record of any and all communication between all parties involved. Naturally Patty is unhappy with this. Since she cannot control Keith, Beth or Dr. Brenner, she devised a new plan to control the situation. She’s gone to the school!
Chapter VIII
One evening Steven was talking about something his mother told him. Keith asked Steven when he had talked to his mother? “She emails me at the school,” was Steven’s reply. Keith was livid. Patty was breaking Judge Hartert’s court order by contacting Steven directly. He called the grade school principal and said, “You’ve got a problem—and it stops TODAY.” That evening Keith and Beth were in a conference with the principal and Steven’s two teachers. Legally, Patty is able to contact Steven’s teachers regarding his progress in school. Unbeknownst to Keith, Patty had struck up a “friendship” with Steven’s resource teacher. There’s no doubt in my mind, that Patty had filled Ms. Cook’s head with the usual “poor me” rhetoric and Ms. Cook had fallen for it. Somehow Steven had an email address at the school that Keith was unaware of. He suspected that Ms. Cook had provided this address for her student to accommodate “poor Patty.”
Patty had also sent a package to the school; a package containing, of all things, medicine. If Patty could not control Keith or Dr. Brenner, she would by bypass them and find another sympathetic person to provide her access to Steven. She found this person in the form of Steven’s school teacher, Ms. Cook. This package of medicine created a problem for the school as they were not legally allowed to give medicine to any of their students. But if they returned the medicine to Patty, and Steven was to have some type of medical emergency, they would be liable. After contacting legal counsel, they decided to keep the medicine at the school under the desk of the secretary. They then adopted a policy to refuse any more packages from Patty.
When Keith and Beth enrolled Steven in the school at Garden City, they chose to enroll Steven as just another student. They wanted the school to make independent evaluations on him, rather than going into his “history” with Crazy Patty. Consequently, when the school started communications with Patty they were unaware that they were dealing with a skilled sociopath. Without going into detail, Keith firmly informed them of what was acceptable and what was not regarding his son. He impressed upon them that Patty was forbidden to contact her son without supervision. The same standards would apply to contact through the school. Likewise, Beth informed the school officials that if Patty were to show up at the school, her children were to be in “lock down” with another adult. Beth is not taking any chances with the safety of her children.
Also during this conference, Keith informed the school that he was seeing no progress with Steven’s schoolwork. He said, “I want you to send Steven home with 4th grade homework.” Ms. Cook said, “Well, he can’t do it!” Keith replied, “I know that—but Steven doesn’t. He’s getting A+ in “coloring” so he thinks he’s doing well. Until he knows what the other students are doing and how far behind he is, he’s never going to work at it.”
“Well, who’s going to teach him then,” asked Ms. Cook? “We will!” said Beth. “You send him home with regular homework and we will see to it that it gets done.” And they are! The first night Steven came home with regular homework he was crying. This is how the conversation went between Steven and Dad.
Dad: “What’s the matter Steven, why are you crying?”
Steven: “I have all this homework and I don’t want to do it.”
Dad: “Why?”
Steven: “Because it’s hard.”
Dad: “Didn’t anyone ever tell you that school would be hard?”
Steven: “No!”
Dad: “You really don’t want to do it?”
Steven: “No!”
Dad: “Ok, you don’t have to do it.”
At this Steven brightened considerably.
Steven: “O.K.”
Dad: “But we’re going to put you back in first grade.”
Steven: “NO,” Steven whaled.
Dad: “Well, if you don’t want to go back to first grade, we’d better get you caught up with the kids your own age, don’t you think?’
Before the evening was over Steven’s homework was done and he was smiling. He admitted that it felt pretty good to get his homework done. He’s doing very well in science and math but is still struggling with reading, and writing. Every night the entire family sits down to practice writing and then they have reading time. It’s coming slowly, but Steven is making progress in his studies.
Patty has filed two motions trying to reverse the decisions that were made regarding custody back in October. Both motions were denied as the decision was only a “temporary” custody order. A third and (we think) final petition was filed and the courts ruled that they would never hear this petition and to stop requesting it. Patty hired new attorneys and they’re gearing up for the big fight in June. So are we. The best weapon Keith and Beth have will be a healthier, happier, slimmer, and smarter son. A lot of hard work and prayer are going into this effort. Do I need to say it? I’m extremely proud of Keith, Beth and Steven. They’re doing it!
Chapter IX
There is no way I can adequately write the level of anger that I feel as I write this chapter. Nor is there any way I can convey to you via the internet the amount of disdain I hold for Patty. I will write the events of the previous few weeks and you can decide for yourself whether or not there is one redeeming grace to be found in this poor excuse for a mother.
As Judge Hartert hastily made his ruling to give temporary custody of Steven to Keith last October, it was sheer oversight that led to the fact that Patty would be allowed an unsupervised visit during Spring Break of 2009. For those of you who follow my blog regularly you know that the Barker family was very anxious about the upcoming visit. Knowing Patty as well as we did, we knew there would be a considerable amount of drama involved in the visit.
Without any type of consideration whatsoever, Patty made her flight arrangements to fly to Utah, assume custody of Steven, and fly back to Florida. Once again, due to the fact that he was dealing with Crazy Patty, Keith felt it was imperative that the exchanges needed to be handled exactly as they were in Florida—under the watchful eye of a third party witness. This had been previously ordered by Judge Osborne, and until a different order was decreed, Keith intended to behave no differently.
Patty’s flight would arrive at 11:45 p.m. on Friday night, and her return flight was scheduled for 6:30 a.m. Saturday morning. She demanded that Steven be at the airport at 5:30 a.m. Those of us in the west are familiar with early morning flights, so the early hour was not a problem for Keith. He informed Patty that he would deliver Steven to the airport if SHE had arranged for the exchange to be handled through a third party. Naturally, that angered Patty. She felt no need to involve anyone other than Keith and refused to make arrangements. Keith found several agencies in Utah that facilitate this type of exchange but none of them would even consider doing it at that early hour of the morning. G.A.L. Gloria Winston did her best to encourage Patty to make different arrangements but Patty refused. Finally a frustrated Ms. Winston told them to work it out on their own.
As the time for the exchange drew new, Keith was filled with dread and anxiety. What if Patty refused to return Steven? What if the two of them disappeared and he never saw his son again? His hours were filled with worry and sleepless nights. All he could do was obey the court order, do as the judge had ruled, and pray. He took steps to protect himself and Steven by taking Steven to the local police department under the ruse of working on his Citizenship Badge in scouting. Once at the police station (previously arranged by Keith), Steven was finger printed and several copies were made. As Steven was having a fun “father/son” moment, Keith was filled with apprehension.
Finally at wits end, a concerned Keith called Tess in Florida and half jokingly asked her how she would feel about making a flight to Utah the next day. All he got was dead silence. She then said, “Well, I can’t afford to pay for the flight. And, I’m not even sure it’s legal. You check with your attorney and I’ll go talk to the court.” Keith then called his attorney Dina Gooding who staunchly and firmly replied “No way!” She told him to make other arrangements. He called the Visitation Center to tell Tess it was a bad idea but missed her. Her staff informed him that she had already left to go talk to Judge Hartert.
As Keith picked up the ringing phone he was surprised to hear that Judge Hartert had not only approved the flight plan—he was staying late to issue a court order to that affect. A stunned Keith sat on the phone for a moment taking it all in. Judge Hartert had ordered Tess to fly 4,000 miles round trip to facilitate a ten-minute exchange. It was true—the “powers that be” in Florida truly knew who they were dealing with and had provided him some measure of protection. Hallelujah! He quickly made flight arrangements for Tess (he paid for the ticket himself) and relaxed just a tiny bit. Patty would not be happy to see Tess at the airport in Utah.
Through a little detective work, Keith and Beth were able to view Patty’s ticket purchases online. What they found confirmed their fears that Patty had no intention of returning Steven. She had purchased one regular round trip ticket for herself, and one for Steven. But the second ticket for Patty—the ticket whereby she would be bringing Steven back to Utah, was a fully refundable ticket. These tickets do not come cheaply! In fact, she paid over $1100.00 for her second round trip ticket. It appeared that Patty had something planned—something she felt would exempt her from having to return Steven to Utah. The knot in Keith’s stomach tightened.
Tess’ flight arrived at 6:45 Friday evening. She made her way to airport security and stated the nature of her trip. She made arrangements with the department to intervene if necessary during the early morning exchange. Once these men learned that Tess was the wife of a county sheriff, they took a special interest in her and extended a hearty Utah welcome. They asked her if she was aware that the NCAA championships were in progress in their city and told her there was probably not a hotel room available. Then they grinned, loaded her into the back of their squad car, found her a good room, and took extremely good care of her. We were thrilled with Utah’s finest security people.
An excited Steven bounded out of bed early. In preparation for this one week visit with his mom—whom he had dearly missed—Steven and Keith had packed a backpack full of things he’d need for the trip. Patty had insisted (through her attorney) that Steven would need a new “comfort” toy for the flight. Keith gave Steven the choice of things he wanted in his backpack. He chose his mp3 player and asked Keith to help him download some of his favorite songs. He also took beef jerky (newly introduced comfort food), Winterfresh gum (his mother’s favorite—he wanted to share with her), $6.00 in spending money (money his mother had previously sent to him), and a few other little items. He was a happy boy.
Tess was waiting for them at the airport and was surprised to see how different Steven looked. It had been 6 months since she’d seen this boy and the transformation was amazing. Steven had lost approximately 17 pounds, had a new and more appropriate haircut, and was grinning from ear to ear. She commented on how grown up he looked and he informed her that he was a “young man—not a baby”. He giggled with her and was happy to see her. She said she wanted pictures of her and Steven together. Just before Keith snapped the picture, a smiling, silly Steven, flashed the “bunny ears” behind Tess’ head. They all laughed. Keith had given Steven two rules for making this trip. Rule #1—have fun! Rule #2—tell the truth! Keith said his goodbyes and turned his son over to Tess to make the exchange. Then he headed home.
Patty, true to form, had already approached airport security and informed them she was there to pick up her son and that Steven was TERRIFIED of the woman who was making the exchange (the “bunny ear” picture would dispel that notion). She portrayed Tess as cold, intimidating, and heartless. Patty had no idea that airport security was already quite familiar with Tess and knew the full story on the exchange. They agreed to accompany Patty to make sure “all went smoothly.” Patty, once again, felt in complete control! She quickly went through Steven’s backpack and refused to take anything that he brought from home. Out went the mp3 player, the gum he had bought just to share with her, the money she herself had sent, and the jerky. She was in the process of handing Steven different clothing to wear when Tess intervened and said that Steven was dressed appropriately for the trip. Steven’s joy was quickly replaced with confusion, but he said nothing as his mother removed all the things that were uniquely his.
Things were quiet during the week Steven was in Florida. No one knew what to expect on the return trip. We anticipated many things—none of them good—and were quite anxious regarding Steven’s return. But miracle of miracles, Patty returned Steven on time and with no outside interference. We were stunned. It surely couldn’t be that easy! Not with Patty! And we were right.
Keith had made arrangements for a third party to facilitate the return exchange at the airport in Utah. Steven was not happy to return to Utah. He was crying and wanted to be with his “mommy.” The once grinning, happy “young man”, was again the whining, boobing baby his mommy wanted him to be. Before parting, the social worker told Keith to call her as soon as he got home. The call placed later that afternoon revealed that Steven had told the social worker that he wanted to kill himself because he had to live in Utah. Keith was fuming and he had had enough. All of his and Beth’s hard work had been undone in just 7 days. What would happen when Patty had Steven for the summer?
Steven cried continually and when asked why he said he wanted to be with his mommy. He also said he was “afraid”. He finally admitted that he had lied to the social worker about wanting to kill himself. He knew he was going to get in trouble for that and “other lies” he had told. “What other lies did you tell, Steven,” Keith asked? He admitted to telling his family in Florida that his dad beat him with a belt, and hit him in the face, and that he hated his sisters. Keith felt like he had been slapped in the face. He thought about all he had done to try to save his son, the time and emotion involved, the money that had been spent--and it had all been for naught. He was right back where he started. And worst of all, Steven was just like his mother, nothing but a damned LIAR! How can you fight this? How can you win?
Things were tense in the Barker household as Keith struggled to maintain his composure. He spoke often with Steven regarding the seriousness of the lies he had told and of unforeseen consequences that would surely come. On Monday afternoon they saw the Garden City Police squad car pull up in front of their home. Dennis Jenkins (Patty’s father) had filed abuse charges against Keith. The local police had spent the afternoon at the school checking up on Steven with his teachers—nothing but glowing reports from the school. He talked to Keith for several minutes and then asked to speak with Steven privately. By this time Steven was scared—he thought he might possibly be going to jail himself for all the lies he told! He confirmed to the policeman that he had lied in hopes of getting to stay in Florida with his mom. Right back to square one! The policeman was satisfied that Keith had not committed any type of crime and said he would send a copy of his report to all parties involved. So where do you go from here?
The time had finally come for Steven to know some of the truth regarding his own mother. In an attempt to protect Steven, Keith had not been forthcoming about any of Patty’s outlandish behavior. But now, in view of the seriousness of Steven’s lies, Keith felt Steven needed to know. He spent over two hours talking with his son about Patty. He did this on a factual, informative and “10-year-old” level. He started by saying, “Steven, there’s something wrong with your mother. Do you want to know the truth?” Steven quickly said “Yes,” “Even if it’s not good and you’re not going to want to hear this?” Steven, once again said “Yes.” Keith waited several minutes just trying to gather some insight into what this child would understand. As Keith began to talk, Steven once again began to cry. They talked about Steven’s illnesses, his surgeries and medicine. They talked about Steven’s placement in resource room at school and the fact that he was portrayed as a handicapped child. Keith finally told Steven that many other people involved in this case had made the decision to place Steven in Keith’s home to protect him from his own mother. Before the conversation ended, Steven admitted that his mother had told him to say all those bad things about Keith. She had coached him. She had taken him aside in Florida and told him that if he said bad things about Keith that Keith would go to jail and they would let Steven move back home to Florida. If he did not tell those lies, Steven would never get to see his mother again. She used her own son’s fear to motivate this child to lie about his father. While Keith was not surprised, he was angry. He quickly told Steven that no loving parent would ever ask their child to lie. Good parents just do not do that! He also gave Steven a little something extra to think about. He said, “Steven, do you know that you and your mother have committed a serious crime? It’s the crime of “conspiracy to commit fraud”. He then explained to him just what that meant. He also reminded him that the judge had ordered Steven to come and live with his dad for the purpose of protecting him from his own mother. “There’s a good chance Steven, that even if they did throw me into jail, and took you away from me, they will quite possibly not send you back to live with your mother, but will put you in the home of strangers—it’s called foster care.” He went on further to remind Steven that if Patty had been successful in getting Keith thrown into jail that would mean that Beth would lose her husband, and Brooke, Grace and Ruthie would also lose their father. They also talked about how the lie affected Grandpa Jenkins in Florida. He told Steven that by telling this lie, it hurt Grandpa Jenkins as well. “Steven, your grandfather is sitting back in Florida right now worrying about you! He thinks you’re out here being beaten and he’s scared for you. Is that how you want your Grandpa to feel?” Lies impact the life of so many people and once they are told, there is no telling how consequential they may be.
Steven had not been the same since his return—that was for sure. He cried a lot, he had no personal attachment to anyone or anything in the Barker household, and he was a miserable little boy. But once the truth was out, he was his happy, bubbly, light-hearted self again. Keith was surprised at the response he got from his son. Once Steven heard the truth and recognized it as such—things made sense to him. Never once did he question the things Keith told him. We likened it to that day 11 long years ago when dad and I sat with our own son in the bishop’s office and relayed to him the true facts regarding his new wife. There’s no doubt in my own mind, that Steven’s world has been full of contradictions, confusion, and suffering. Now that he’s armed with the truth, it gives him the foundation with which he can make his own judgments . . . and those judgments will be sound. Steven still has a lot to learn about his mother. This is only the beginning of clarity for this boy. And we are not naïve enough to believe that we’ve heard the last of the lies to come from Steven. Bad habits are hard to break—but Keith and Beth are determined to save this child—even from himself.
I have no idea what the future holds for Steven, Keith, Beth and their family. Steven is still in counseling and there’s a lot of hard work ahead. It has taken Keith eleven long years to make this much progress in his struggles with Patty and their son. But I do know one thing—this is a father who loves his son and will not stop in his attempts to raise a happy, healthy, and productive young man. God bless you Keith and Beth, you are two amazing people!
For more current and more personal updates feel free to check in on my blog at:
www.carolescorner-crush.blogspot.com
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